we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
