Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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