im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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