my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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