i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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