please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
