After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
