remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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