Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
