My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
