Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
