My nipple is on Facebook.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
