I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
