I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
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i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I have aggressive nipples.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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