yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
