I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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