Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
