you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
