you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
