I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
