what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
