I heard we made out
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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