Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
