i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
We smell like vodka and hangover
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