I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
