Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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