Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
