Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
