If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I think I just shit out all my problems.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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