She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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