I want to walk on stilts...naked
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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