Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
