never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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