Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
