I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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