capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
he quoted the bible to break up with me
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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