i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
