how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
