i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
