I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
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