I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
worst night to have a conscience
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
