I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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