I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
