3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I seem to have left my pride at pride
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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