Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
