i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize