roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
handjob tips. give me some.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
