omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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