My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize