Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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