he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
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Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
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I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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