so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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