i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize