they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
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He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
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i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
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