Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Randomize
