never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
