I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
