Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
