she woke up with a sticky ear
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
