ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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