I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
