once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
