Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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